The place was huge and crowded. Excitement were everywhere.
There were voices all over the place. I could hear people laughing, screaming,
shouting, as well as crying. We all know Dream World is a place where everyone
goes to enjoy themselves and have fun. And since that day was the national
holiday, there was absolutely no place for people to walk. I was scared.
Everyone was scared of getting lost. To
elucidate, anyone can go missing in a matter of
seconds. All of the mothers and
aegis were holding their children’s hand so tight while
group of friends were stick together like a glue. There were no empty spaces for us to sit. Bleachers, a
bench or place for people to sit were either taken or reserved. People usually put
their jacket and glasses on the bench to reserve a place. They would even leave
their children on the bench so nobody would come and snatch away their place.
The machines of the ride were continuously operating without a pause. The line
for each ride was becoming longer and longer while me and my friends were scared
that our trip to this amusement park would be useless and we will have leave
this place and head back home with a disappointment of not getting to play
anything.
People
were everywhere. The place was filled up like a stadium of Olympics in London
where there was neither a restaurant nor a coffee shop to go sit and relax inside
or find something to eat. There was no
place to sit.The restaurants seemed
indigent due to the lack of seats. All the seats were taken and of course the restaurants were
all occupied by the customers as in people. Everyone was starving. My stomach
began to rumble and I wondered if I should leave the long line and go grab some
chips in my bag. But I know once I leave the line, it will take hours to get to
the place I’m standing right now. While standing in the line, doing nothing, I
heard a conversation where a mother was forcing her son to go on rides since
the son was scared. “Don’t be such a scary cat; you should try, at least just
try for the sake of trying and not sitting here with a sad face or a crying
face.” However, the mother failed to
imbued her son.
I was
finally extricated from the long line and here I am on the roller coaster, right on the top middle, experiencing a great
view. The feeling of going up was just awesome and the sudden drop down was even more exciting. I love going on rides especially the adventurous ones, so does my
friends! And again we could see people on the rides crying, shouting, laughing,
and screaming with joy and excitement.
After reading the very first sentence, I thought, "I'm sure I've read this line somewhere before." Well, although it isn't exactly the same, that line sounded like the first line in the example Miss Amy gave. I'm also quite sure there's no such thing as excitements. If there is, then I apologize.
ReplyDeleteReading this I remember when I went to Dream World. It was very crowded. After reading this, I'm quite sure I won't go to Dream World on a holiday. Nice writing.
-Tanat Boozayaangool P1
Thank you Tanat :D
DeleteI really enjoyed reading your blog about dream world but just wanted to correct something which i think would make it better, "while group of friends were stick together like a glue" instead of saying this i would rather say, "while group of friends were stuck like glue" & " There were no single empty spaces for us to sit" i would say " There were no empty spaces for us to sit" but well i really really liked the way you chose words and the starting was amazing, good job (Y)
ReplyDelete-Gurpreet Sachdev-
Thank you Gurpreet :D
ReplyDeleteYour writing was good. I can really picture out Dream World that is overly packed by people. To tell you the truth, I've never been to Dream World that is overly crowded. Well, kind of, because a whole lot of people will go and enjoy their day there. Nice writing though. I really enjoyed it. No offense to your grammar though. Some sentences don't quite make sense like for example, "There were no single empty spaces for us to sit.", that sentence. I'm not sure whether you meant to put it as "there was not a single..." or "...no empty space...". But all in all, your writing was great. You did a good job. Keep it up. Just remember your grammar. Good Job!
ReplyDelete~Glanelle Marie Ejurango~
Thank you Sweety :D
DeleteGreat writing, Rhea! Now I know how fully packed it will be in Dream World especially on holidays. I could imagine how it feels like to be you, getting all hungry when lining up in a really long line, seeing lots of people here and there. I like how you described some of the situations about the surrounding and all, but maybe you can describe certain situations which includes yourself even more. Like, being in the roller coaster for example, maybe you can tell how you felt before you were riding it, how tall it was, how it felt on top. Other than that, though, I enjoyed reading your writing, and keep on making such great work! :)
ReplyDelete-Regina Hutagalung, P8
Thank you Regina :D
DeleteNice writing! :) I could really connect to the whole idea of Dream World being overly crowded. I like how you explained the condition of the amusement park during holidays. However, I feel that you could be more descriptive about the place and also your experience on the roller coaster. There were a few grammatical errors here and there. For example, "My stomach began to rumble and I wonder..." should probably be written as "My stomach began to rumble and I wonderED". Other than that, I really enjoyed reading your post. Keep it up! - Saranya P8
ReplyDeleteThank you Saranya :D
DeleteThank you guys, I really appreciate you guys commenting on it and I'll try my best not to make these mistakes again :D
ReplyDeleteOh well, this is considered another great writing. After reading the story it reminisces me back to the time when I was still a little kid since I haven't been to Dream World for a long time. I feel the emotion you are trying to express and understand the disappointment you have had very well. Good job on this. Keep it up Rhea :D
ReplyDeleteThank you Natt :D
DeleteGreat. You did a good spectator sport. I like your writing! You make me flow with your events/experience. I could really imagine of crowded places. Holidays would usually be a crowd, so next time go on weekdays. Its really trouble by standing out waiting for a line to a restaurant. Well done! You did a good job! :)
ReplyDeletePantaree P1
Thank you Pun :D
DeleteNice writing! I really enjoy reading these texts. They described the situation very well. I feel like I am there with you too. You are very descriptive. There are so many details you included in these texts. I enjoy reading it and it's very interesting. It reminds me the last time I visited an amusement park. Even though it's quite boring lining up, it's a great experience. :)
ReplyDelete- Kanyarak K. (P1)
Thank you Sai :D
ReplyDelete